WHAT! 168!

I apologize for repeating myself, my faithful blog readers. But I'm overcome with the amazing mercy, grace, and forgiveness of my loyal friend Jesus, who refuses to let me live with the curse that I was born with, and gives me a choice to live like I was meant to live before sin entered the timeline of this world. He is so impossible to figure out, and that's what makes Him beautiful, and why some people hate Him. I personally accept the fact that I will never understand my life and what He's done for me to the degree I want to, and I just accept it.

This last week, starting last Sunday, my life did not stop. I haven't really been home, mentally, for 168 hours. I went back to Roseville and experienced some old memories and friends, came back to Fresno with my girl, spent a night in the ER with her, had one of the most romantic and amazing weekends so far, took a road trip with Luke and Valerie for 6 hours in the car that never had a dull moment, realized I don't know where I'm gonna be or what I'll be doing in two weeks time, I'm almost out of money, and I just now sat here in front of my PC, took a deep breath, and the entire week hit me like a freakin car.

I've been sitting in the same seat now for almost 6 hours, possibly just so I know I can stay still for a long period of time without sleeping. This is insane. But so is youth, and I'm told I'm meant to live it while I still have it, why not.

I wrote a song, 30 minutes ago. I was in a weird funk, not knowing what I wanted to do but wanting to create something. I heard one of Staind's new songs and it got me writing a poem that's also a song. The rhyming is basically very simple, which I try to stray away from because I don't like being too simple if I can help it. But it's my heart right now. And if this is good enough, I think that this will be my first (sort of) direct song to/about God. I'm feelin closer to writing a real worship song each day.

Seems like we moved away

After we rebuilt this place

Even when we talk

Seems like the door keeps closing off

It's the memories of the past

That make me think this won't last

I don't know when it happened, but something's gone

I don't know what, but there's something wrong

I try to make this work by myself

This could never work without Your help

I lie when I think I'll make it through

I'm through fighting the fact that I need You

When I try to walk away

It's not only cause I'm afraid

Of what I did to You

I hated hurting You, I refuse

To think that I could take my problems

And find a way alone and solve them

Despite my need to be me

I need someone to lead me when I'm not strong

And to help me carry on

I know there's so many times I failed You

And You could've denied me for every one

But it wouldn't be what You would have wanted

And when I crossed the line I thought when I died

That the curse would follow me

But then I looked into Your eyes

And Your love healed my scars and freed me

And when I try to make this work by myself

I know it can't work without Your help

I don't even try to make it through

I don't fight the fact that I need You

Well, there you have it. My goodness I'm shaking all over. Sweet chocolate potatoes.