The final days of 2009...and of my bachelor status

Sometime between 2pm and 3pm on January 2nd 2010, I will be married to my best friend Jessica. Before that time, I continue to wait.


I've been in Idaho since the 23rd, and this is the first time ever that my car has actually crossed the California border, believe it or not. I've put 85,000+ miles on that car just in California. It's also the first time my car has ever experienced snow.


No I'm not nervous, no I'm not getting cold feet. I'm just really really really really really ready for this. I WANNA BE MARRIED ALREADY.


Sayin goodbye to this decade, startin the next one off by gettin married to an amazing, beautiful woman that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. My excitement for the rest of my life to start, can only be compared to how impatient I am for it to come.








This is Jesse Niebolt, signing off...last blog of 2009, and the last time I will blog as a bachelor...be blessed.

Jesse will have limited internet starting in 48 hours

So, a rundown of my schedule of life right now:


Dec 23: Drive up to Boise ID
Dec 25: Christmas!
Dec 31: 2010!
January 2nd: GETTIN MARRIED SUCKA
January 4th: Back in Roseville


When I get back to Roseville, I will have a beautiful wife that I will be living with, in our own apartment, which is lovely and awesome. However, at this point in time we don't have enough money to hook up an internet connection to our apartment, soooo all you people that I frequently talk to online, I will not be on here as much.


I will not be completely without a connection; I will have access at my church and at coffee shops, but not a reliable connection. This is probably for the best, since for the last 3+ years I've had an addiction to the internet, that's involved hundreds of thousands of hours spent on random news stories, pointless social networking, scouring Google Images for random pictures, and other beautiful time wasters.


If you need to get ahold of me, call or text my cell, or call my work number 916.359.9513. I do have to say that my cell as of this moment is horribly unreliable, as it tends to randomly shut off 5 times a day. I really need to get a new phone....anyway, that's the update for now.


Be blessed.

pending Perfection officially out

So, after 6+ months of working on it, my CD pending Perfection is recorded, mastered, packaged, and as of today, available to the masses and YOU. Yeah, that's a cheesy line, but whatever...


This music isn't for me to make a profit. Even if I had the worst music ever since the band Complete, I would still be doin CDs. I've made these CDs I make my personal ministry, my way of telling my testimony to people. I don't believe that I'm very good at talking publicly, but I know that I have a talent for music, and I believe that telling people my story to music is the best way possible :). This CD is, in every way better than my last CD, not that it sucked, but I've matured and gotten better in every way since a year ago.


As far as paying for it, I've not put a solid price tag on it. Honestly, you pay however much you want to support my music and ministry, if you just can't decide what to give, something like $5 or $6 would be fine. Truly, I want this music to get to everyone I can that wants to hear it.


All the info on the CD and future shows are on my Facebook page, which the link is below. Have a good week :)


http://www.facebook.com/theredheadmusic

Stream of thought

I have something to say, that's gonna make me sound silly and immature. What the heck...




im gonna share my life with a woman that God has put in my life and said this is good and that ive fallen in love with and that is amazingly beautiful that can put up with me and all my weird habits and absurdities and immaturities and awkwardness. how is this possible. i don't know but OMG I'M SO FREAKIN EXCITED FOR THISSSSSS






that is all

Right, so that whole fancy proposal thing...

First of all, NOBODY KNEW WHEN I WAS GONNA PROPOSE. I only knew 5 minutes before. So all of you that are bummed that I didn't tell you before, too bad :). So this is how it went down...




I am not good at keeping surprises, and Jessica loves them. So obviously I had to plan this whole extravagant sequence of events that would culminate into us being somewhere absolutely beautiful and memorable, and that would be the point I would get on one knee and ask her to marry me. And that's exactly what I did NOT do. Why? Because she would be expecting that. Duh. So basically here's the whole story:


I got the ring Sunday around 3, then after church we went to go get some coffee at Starbucks. It was then that I felt the winds of destiny blow through my fingers, and as we walked in the parking lot I got down on one knee in that Starbucks parking lot, and asked her to marry me. She was completely thrown off guard and asked if I was serious, to which I replied yes. She asked me again, and I reminded her that I was sitting on one knee with a ring held up to her. She finally realized that she wasn't dreaming and this was in fact reality, and she said yes. Upon further examining the shiny object I had just put on her finger, she realized that the ring was exactly what she wanted, nothing missing or lacking.




I would like to add one more trivial fact to this blog: when me and Jessica first started our relationship, we wanted to make sure that we would be above reproach and temptation, unless we ever did get engaged. Lippu bet me $30 that I would kiss her before I pulled out a ring, and last night he was proven wrong, and I was vindicated. 


For the record, waiting that long was totally worth it.

Faces are like fingerprints

I'm taking a minute out of recording to write. I have a sudden urge to write.


The following will either sound really self-centered, selfish, or funny: I looked at my resume yesterday and impressed myself. I don't really know if that's okay to say, but I kinda did. I forget sometimes the magnitude of what I've done in the last three years alone. I kinda just do it and when I'm done with that, go off in the other direction. Not necessarily a motivational booster but a reflection on the past.


This CD is going to be my soul on a platter. I even have a song called my soul be all that's left! Geez. The whole concept of this CD is that it's telling a story, and I'm not really hiding anything between the listener and the message. Pretty crazy. Though I would love if I were more skilled at what I do, I'm having to re-record stuff over and over because what I think sounded good, doesn't cut it two days later. Maybe I'm really overanalyzing this.


Smelling vanilla candles is like letting cotton candy melt in your mouth.


I miss Fresno. It's much colder there than here in Sacramento. 


Faces are the most expressive things in the world. It's so uniform, yet the emotions we put in them make them completely unique. Almost like a fingerprint.




Well that's all the random thoughts that I had for now, thanks for reading

I have accomplished something.

So, basically since I've had my own internet connection, I've been addicted to blogging. I had to get everything written out, it was one of my creative outlets. If I didn't blog within a week I felt empty and lonely. When I didn't blog for over a week I would cry myself to sleep. And when nobody commented my blogs I pouted and sulked and plotted to seek revenge and create the best blog in the world.


But now, I do believe that I've broken the hardcoreness of blogging, that is to say, I don't babble about my life. When I post something it's usually with a real focus, or a small update on life.If you care, I hope you're happy. If you don't, then neither do I.


Next goal for life: go to bed at a decent time.

In 1909...

1909 FORD Model R

THE YEAR 1909

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! 

The year is 1909. One hundred years ago 

What a difference a century makes! 

Here are some statistics for the Year 1909:

------------------------------------------------------------------

The average life expectancy was 47 years

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone

There were only 8,000 cars and only

144 miles of paved roads

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower

The average wage in 1909 was 22 cents per hour

The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year

A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME

Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard'

Sugar cost four cents a pound

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound

Most women only washed their hair  once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza 

2. Tuberculosis

3. Diarrhea

4. Heart disease 

5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

(Shocking? DUH!)

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!

So not the glamour

I think I've found myself to be an anomaly. Someone that *possibly*, *genuinely* stands out from the crowd and does something completely different. And for the right intentions. Really, how many people have come up to you and said I don't want to be famous?

I'm in the mastering part of my 4th CD (putting the finishing touches on it EQ and effects wise), I'm listening to my music, and so are other people and they're saying that I have talent. Not just like as a compliment; people are wanting to put me on iTunes. They're wanting to pay for my CD, instead of me asking them. This is really weird for me. I'm actually good. I mean I didn't think I sucked, I know that I can play music well. But, there's a difference between playing music, and playing music you wrote, even writing good music! And I'm slightly uncomfortable about that.

This is my music, to me: my own story, with a soundtrack and creatively crafted words, in a hope to tell you my passions, my struggles, and the things that inspire me with hope, joy, love, strength, perseverance, and faith in what I believe in. Each song, and each album, is a picture of my heart, a summary of my life at that moment in time. To have you listen to a song or the whole thing means more than I probably could hope for. Writing these songs into a comprehensive format, and then going through the steps to recording them, is enough for me. I kind of feel like it's turning into this drug now, I've planned out in my head that I'll release a CD every year, as a sort of balance to my life. My main reason why I will demand to make a recording studio in my house when I get one.

I also consider these CDs I make to be my own personal ministry. This CD I'm making has the first real songs that I've written to/about God before. Not that all my songs have been secular, but on some of these tracks I am very clear about what I'm singing about. So on my music, I've done my best to keep it accessible as possible.

If you take all that into account, you may be able to see why I give this music out for free. The purpose of my music is to share and inspire, not to make a career out of what I create or to market this. That comes into conflict with people, because the response I get from that is, "Well if you spend so much time and effort on it then why don't you get some money for it too?"

Questions like that have found relevancy in my brain. So I am adopting a 'donation' price on this CD: if you want to give $5, awesome. If you want to give $15, even better. If you wanna give a quarter, that's cool too! Basically anybody that wants the CD pays whatever they want for it. My goal for this idea is to get it to people who really want it, as accessible as possible. I won't be giving it away for free, but I'm pretty certain that this pricing system comes off honest. If not, let me know, seriously, I don't know how much more lower I can go :).

So, these are my general thoughts on what's going on with my music. Like my music, my process of recording and distributing and such is constantly evolving. 

Whine, Complain, Repeat

I am a huge Google supporter. And I have a bone to pick with the tech community.

The past couple months, Google has been having a outage problem for different reasons, specifically Gmail, and people have been complaining about it, calling it Gfail. The various reasons are that the Google cloud is showing signs of strain, hackers are being jerks, Google isn't using enough of its resources to keep things afloat. Here's my huge, indignant complaint: why are you complaining so much?!?!

Being a huge Google supporter (Gmail, Gdocs, Google Sites, everything else...), I use all of their services without repaying by any monetary way; I allow them to display ads on the pages I use and view. In essence, whenever I have an internet connection, I use what they provide with absolutely no loss to myself, only gain. I am incredibly thankful for what Google provides. To top that off, Google is an amazingly effective and efficient product. Knowing and realizing that, I am slightly inconvenienced but understanding if Google has a couple outages that last an hour or two every once in awhile, barring permanent loss of my data and anything in the future I might pay Google for.

This complaint reaches out to people who not only complain about Google, but anybody who complains about free things on the internet that suffer outages that aren't common. Show a little gratefulness! Fortunately a lot of things on the internet are free since online services operate on ads. And if you weren't aware, it takes a lot of work to get anything running that's free. If you want to complain about something, then support it by paying for it. It's a matter of respect.

There is a certain etiquette to interacting with people and services online, and we need to make sure that we're being fair when we complain. Now I'm not saying at all that we shouldn't voice our complaints about Google or Facebook not working for a couple hours (suppressing frustration is never a good thing), but if you're not able to connect for two hours that doesn't qualify as a fail. This is something I'm guilty of in a lot of things when it comes to technology and the internet, but it still needs to be followed, so that we all achieve a balanced ecosystem in digital reality. So let's be nice to each other and supportive to the companies that give us free things that we eventually find ourselves addicted to :)

Worship

I believe worship is a lifestyle that is cultivated out of a true, authentic surrendering to God. To no one's surprise I love to worship Him most by praising Him in music, it's my passion. Let me define to you what exactly that is.


When I worship, I push the world away from me. Before I sing or pick up my guitar to play, I pray to God to inspire me. I come Him, as transparent as I possibly can, and I begin to sing. It doesn't matter what my face or body language says, it doesn't matter what's around me, because in that moment I have surrendered fully to my God, my Redeemer, and my Savior. There is no room for pride or shame in my time of worship.

I call to my God, asking Him to hear me, to shine His face on my feeble act of worship. I call to my God, asking Him to ignore my imperfection as I give my best offering I possibly can to Him. I call to my God, wanting to please Him who made the Heavens and the Earth, not understanding how my act of worship means more than anything to my God.

I praise my God by acknowledging me before I even called His name. I praise Him for the grace that I don't comprehend even though I misuse it every day. I praise Him for every moment of my sinful life, and how He takes the outcast and broken of this world and uses it and makes it new again.

I thank my God for the world I live in, though it is saturated in sin and heading every day toward Armageddon; I thank Him because He found me in this world. thank God for the second chance, the third chance, the unlimited, ever forgiving, unbiased love He has given to me freely when I didn't even know that I needed it. I thank God for the gifts He's given me...music, freedom, my heart's desires...all things that I never could deserve, but He gives as freely as Christ's sacrifice.

I give my God silence, in reverence to His holiness, to His glory, to the mighty and powerful being that He is. I give my God silence, I still my tongue, so that I could hear His voice instead, so that He can enact His will on me, so that His love can change me, so that He can continue to guide me down the path He has prepared for me. I give my God silence, because I have no right to speak in the first place.

This is what I do when I worship, and if it were not for the Great Commission, I would leave the world behind and worship Him every moment I'm alive.

Jesus is Peanut Butter

Alright kids gather round, got a story for you...

So me and my lady Jessica were havin ice cream, I got reeces ice cream, and she got chocolate peanut butter. I looked at our ice cream and I thought, yknow kinda like this ice cream, we're both different, I'm a guy she's a girl, I got vanilla she got chocolate.. But just like the peanut butter, WE BOTH GOT JESUS!

yeah. that's my overtly cheezy inspiration for the day. i'll take my bow now.

News Fast: Update III

So, due to certain things out of my control, I have decided to put my fast...on hold. Partly because there's been a news crew on my street cause there's been a homicide (in Roseville!?!!), and because it's nearly impossible to not read the news when you're in a political science class...yeah that was pretty stupid.

I'm starting to achieve this 'balance' thing. And my time in the Word has been better. So something has been accomplished here...maybe I'll call it a partial fast...

News Fast: Update II

So this fast-from-the-news thing...it's seriously tough. I access it through Google News, YouTube, the radio, newspaper (yeah, even that...), and I've pretty much been successful in avoiding all those and focusing on what I need to. I do have to admit that a breach did occur; one of my friends sent me a video about a senator that pissed me off due to his complete lack of voter intelligence, so I've decided to spam that to get people's attention. Sorry guys with this I have to be an activist :D.

It's hard to resist this. It's a reflex, whenever I need to keep myself moving I read something with the news. It's not at all that knowing about the world was turning me into a bad person, but the fact that it consumes all my time, I know isn't good. I catch myself typing a website out, and just as I'm about to hit Enter, God pokes me and says, Hey, what about your promise...and I slap myself and say Drat God, you're right. So, I've stayed solid in avoiding any news outlet.

Anyways, just an update. If you guys need prayer let me know

Fasting from the news

It has come to my attention that I spend too much time thinking about the world, rather than thinking about God. I have an addiction to technology and the internet, this is true. While I am working on that, God has brought it to my attention that I spend way too much time and focus looking at Google News, which can consume you if you so desire :). God's shown me that I am constantly thinking about politics, *misguided* people and their *misguided* actions, and the lies of the world, instead of thinking and meditating more on who God is, the love He has for us, and the way He wants to use me as a light in the darkness.

So, I have decided to go on a fast from personally searching out any kind of news. Not that I can avoid it completely, cause hey right now I'm in a political science class :). But the time I use reading the news, I want to replace with reading God's word. So if you all could keep me in your prayers about that, I would greatly appreciate that. And if you have anything that you would want me to pray for you on, please let me know so we can be praying for each other.

-jesse

Random thoughts of my head from the past month

It's been a month since I've posted a blog, I think that's my record. Well basically, I use this blog to keep people updated and to reflect on my own life and thoughts. These last couple months I haven't been able to reflect though, I've been making a lot of decisions and evolving into this 'grown-up responsibility' thing...truly, it's the stupidest thing ever. There is logic to it, but it's just so bothersome. There are people like me, who just want to be creative, and there are people the opposite of me, that want to just do everything for everybody. Why can't they do the stuff I don't want to do for me? The world would be at peace and so much more balanced that way :)

I will not lie, it's been awhile since I've really read the Word. It's not like I just took a break, I've been growing in other ways, but reading the Word is the most important. Tonight I came across this part of 1st Timothy 5:24-25: "The sins of some men are obvious, reaching the place of judgment ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them. In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not cannot be hidden" It really irks me, annoys me, really pisses me off, that some people get away with so much, and can flaunt it, wear it like a badge in front of everyone, and it's alright, sometimes followed. Yet, people that strive to be pure and avoid sin and make a true effort to do the right thing the right way, aren't given their due. Sometimes even shunned.

I met a man in Livermore yesterday, and he was going through some incredible hard times, like a lot of people across the world are because of the effects of the economy. I listened to him, and I was sad for him, but I was incredibly happy that he shared this with me. And the moment he was done, I prayed for him. PRAYER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL TOOL YOU COULD POSSIBLY HAVE. Prayer is the direct line to the Creator of the universe, what could possibly be a better way to fix a problem? Why are people scared of praying? I'm personally self conscious of how many times I say um in my prayers when I'm in front of people, but ultimately it's inconsequential. Nobody should ever be afraid to pray, or think that it's not effective. Next to a belief in Christ being your Savior, it is THE most important fundamental in a true Christian walk.

I started school today. Before that, I couldn't find my keys, and my belt for the AC in my car finally snapped off. No more AC yaaaaaaaaaay.

My new CD is on schedule. Coming out either October or November hopefully. Definitely an evolution from the last three CDs I've made. Actually this is my first REAL CD, the first three were EPs (EP=extended play/30 minutes). No official name for it...yet. The hard work/foundational stuff is done, now I get to have fun and start tweaking to as close to perfection as I can get it :)

I pray that all your hopes, desires, futures and dreams belong to Christ. Be blessed.

-jesse

At the end of the line

I watch YouTube videos on various subjects when I want to semi-distract myself and get something inspirational. Tonight I found something that might've answered a very old question for me. I was watching a video by Leonard Ravenhill, who's an old-skool preacher, and he said this:

"I preached...on Elijah. And the more I see men like that, I realize that all he did, and that he never had a Bible. All the heroes in Hebrews 11, all of them never had a Bible. And you and I have everything that God is ever gonna say to the world! Boy are we in for trouble at the end of the line."

This is significant for me in two different ways. There are people, those who believe in religion and those who don't, that sometimes use the arguement, Well what about all those people that never heard Jesus or had a Bible, how'd they get saved? I could never had a solid answer for that, partly because I hadn't researched it enough. But Leonard puts it plainly and directly; PEOPLE HAD PROPHETS.

We have the entire Bible, everything that God has said to us can now fit into a book that fits in our pocket, on an iTouch, on CDs, anything we want. Do we need prophets now? NO! The days before Jesus' ministry, yes they needed prophets, because they had nothing to read, most were illiterate at the time. Prophets went traveling from city to city, preaching to the people what God had to say. Now, the populace of the world has much more literacy, and Bibles become our way of understanding God, as well as having a personal relationship with Christ.

In both of these ways, we have no justifyable reason to refuse God and what He has for us. If we truly want to follow Him, the ways to achieving that are unlimited. This encouragement goes for myself as well: Let us read the Bible daily, let us pray daily, let us do these things so that our relationship with God increases tenfold daily.

Death of a Summer

The following conversation took place 7.26.2009 over Facebook IM. All rights reserved.

-------------------------

11:07pm

Chanelle

today was my last day of summer

11:07pm

Jesse

>!>!>!>!>!>

11:08pm

Chanelle

this whole week i have band camp from 9am-5pm and then next week i have band camp again from 9am-9pm

11:08pm

Jesse

.................................OW

11:08pm

Chanelle

ya i know

it sucks

11:08pm

Jesse

that's like a smack to the head with a hammer

11:09pm

Chanelle

ya

tell me about it

11:10pm

Chanelle

so yes today was pretty much my last day of summer

11:12pm

Jesse

that is sad

we should have a funeral over IM for it

11:13pm

Chanelle

yup

ok

lol

go right ahead to start it off

11:13pm

Jesse

*clasps hands*

today we are here...to celebrate the short-lived life...of Chanelle's summer 2009

11:14pm

Chanelle

(sniffles)

11:14pm

Jesse

it was a young summer, that started out with great fanfare and much hope for adventure

11:14pm

Chanelle

*a few sprinkled amens*

11:15pm

Jesse

even though the heat was incredibly intense at times, the AC prevailed in the shade when available, which provided a great dance of temperature

11:16pm

Chanelle

yessir

11:17pm

Jesse

at the end of its life, VBS sustained great excitement, partly supported by Jesse Niebolt, the youth groupians were greatly pleased by this

11:17pm

Chanelle

AMEN

11:17pm

Jesse

unfortunately, summer 2009's life was cut short by a drunken driveby accident

11:18pm

Chanelle

WOAH WOAH

WAIT

HOLD

ON

11:18pm

Jesse

the driver, which will be an unnamed school district....

11:18pm

Chanelle

oh lol ok

continue

11:18pm

Jesse

...took its life, without remorse, feeling, sensibility...not even a shred of mercy

11:19pm

Chanelle

*SOB*

*SOB*

11:19pm

Jesse

it lay twitching in the street, as the life faded slowly, with all of its friends, near and dear to it, close by

11:19pm

Chanelle

ok that was too much lol

11:20pm

Jesse

*closes bible*

you may now speak freely of whatever memories you may have

11:20pm

Chanelle

*SOB*

11:21pm

Jesse

are there any further words?

11:21pm

Chanelle

It was a good summer, filled with memories that will never be forgotten. Many good ones and some bad. And some that even made her laugh so hard she almost peed her pants.

hold on

i am writing

11:21pm

Jesse

continue...

*hands tissue*

11:22pm

Chanelle

Many are saddened by this death, including the many who were included the memories

and all of God's people said...

11:23pm

Jesse

AMEN

11:23pm

Chanelle

Thank you for coming and we will be serving refreshments in 5 minutes

11:23pm

Jesse

wait wait

what about the casket!

11:24pm

Chanelle

*many blow noses*

11:24pm

Jesse

lol!

11:24pm

Chanelle

OH NO

WAIT

EVERYONE COME BACK!

11:24pm

Jesse

HOLD YOUR NOSES!

11:24pm

Chanelle

HAHa

ok

Jesse, would you help me put the casket in the grave please?

11:24pm

Jesse

...I think we should light it on fire...

11:25pm

Chanelle

HEY

11:25pm

Jesse

fire's always good

11:25pm

Chanelle

NO

11:25pm

Jesse

DUDE! God talked to Moses in a burning bush

11:25pm

Chanelle

what does that have to do with my summer funeral?

11:25pm

Jesse

nothing, it's just cool and biblical

and all that stuff

11:25pm

Chanelle

lol ok

well i guess we are lighting it on fire

11:26pm

Jesse

sweet

*pours on gasoline*

who has a lighter?

11:26pm

Chanelle

*holds candle to casket as it catches fire*

me

11:26pm

Jesse

it's gotta be a freebird lighter!

11:26pm

Chanelle

UGH FINE

*holds FREEBIRD lighter to casket as it catches fire*

11:27pm

Jesse

*watches as the fire goes up*

wait...

11:27pm

Chanelle

*many sob, cry and blow their noses*

11:27pm

Jesse

IT'S MADE OF PLASITC!!!

11:27pm

Chanelle

WHAT????

11:27pm

Jesse

*watches as the casket begins to melt*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

11:27pm

Chanelle

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

11:28pm

Jesse

*fortunately the casket melts into the grave*

pants

11:28pm

Chanelle

oh ok good

11:28pm

Jesse

THAT WAS WICKED

11:28pm

Chanelle

HAHAHA YES IT WAS

gosh we are weird people

LOL

11:28pm

Jesse

not weird

different

and different is also diverse

11:28pm

Chanelle

ah. very true

11:28pm

Jesse

which is good

11:28pm

Chanelle

yes it is

The human condition

I don't understand people, therefore I don't understand myself. I laugh at people that think of people as their hero, that think they're this amazing person, but fail to see the other side of the curtain. Yet sometimes, it works the other way around...not nearly as often, but sometimes. The point is, it's all an illusion...an illusion that seems okay to accept.

I wrote a song about death today. Hold up, let me back up. I've written a little over 20 songs, and I'm starting to lay down tracks for a CD at some point this year. I'm writing/recording/producing this record, everything on my own, and excited for it. I think I'm coming up with a tradition; when I write a folksy song for the CD, that will be enough songs. This song is a little song, it belongs at the beginning as an intro or a hidden track at the end...though I realize that in this digital age of music, hardly anybody does hidden tracks anymore. Drat you digitalness, you've taken away the secret joys of CDs! Well actually it's taken away CDs altogether...meh.

As a closing statement, I'm really loving this whole immense growing thing I'm doing with God, through God, because of God. To quote my own song, I will be still, because I don't realize who I am...or He is.

Second week

Right then, so I'm in the middle of my second week back at college, it's alright. Doin psychology, found out my teacher was shot in the right side of his head when he was 17 and lived, and after that got masters in psychology and CIS. Got my first test tomorrow, and I actually studied, slightly motivated by Jessica I must admit. But yeah, I'm officially being responsible and being a real student...it's a weird feeling, you know what's happening instead of letting chaos reign...not sure when I'll get used to that :)

Keep prayin for me though, I'm still just in the beginnning. But havin fun.

LucasArts loves me

One quick blog, then I'm off to sleep so I won't be deprived for class tomorrow.

Today was my birthday, and LucasArts decided to pick this day to announce that it would be teaming up with Steam to re-release all its titles, new and old ones. Steam is an online game provider that is pretty solid, puts out high quality games and has a good network for gamers.

if you had no idea, i am a HUGE STAR WARS VIDEO GAME FAN. The fact that this news came out on my birthday, my 21st no less, bodes the omen of epicness. If they put out the KotOR games and the early EARLY Star Wars games, I think I'll have a good excuse to spend some money. But I'll also have to balance that with getting The Old Republic MMO whenever that comes out...heck I'll have better income by then or put it on the credit card

I do believe I'm turning into a Star Wars video game addict.

Right then, education...

So, quick update on life.

It's now month 3 of ministering music at FSB, and I'm enjoying it, it's a lot of fun, and where God wants me to be. So glad I'm learnin hymns finally. AND I have an office! That's been one of the things that make me laugh. I've never had an office, and I don't know, it just seems so odd to me. I personally think it's funny, but that's just me.

Two things are happening next week, on the same day, Monday: I turn 21 and start college. 21 is significant, just because it's my birthday, but besides that, nothing special. Everybody's like, oh 21! You can gamble and drink!...except I don't want to do either, I even signed a contract not to touch alcohal. But, a birthday nonetheless, bring on the cake and doritos. And, on the day I turn 21, I start college, specifically a pyschology class for the summer. My new growing experience, that I feel I'm ready for. Personally, I just want a good job, but not yet I guess. I'll stick with education for now.

It is seriously too hot in the surrounding Sacramento area. It's 105 in the day, and 92 in the dead of night. Haven't been using my AC belt on my car cause it's about to break off, so I get to sweat it out every time I step outside. Jessica starts her new job today, so that's a good answer to prayer. All in all, God is good, gives me blessings and strengths, and leads me on my path. Amen.

Open letter to Timber 2009

To my Timber Mountain brothers and sisters:

Greetings and blessings to you from your brother in Christ, Jesse :). Whether or not you know me, I've been praying for you consistently the last couple of months, for Christ to give you strength and guidance for these summer months at camp. I've been blessed to be there the past three summers, but God has me serving Him in another place now, so I am there with you in spirit and in heart, and I hope that this letter will encourage you in your journey this summer.

I have no clue where you're at right now, but I want to challenge you, consistently, at every moment, to give it your all! There are incredible things that will happen this summer, amazing time spent with your kids, incredible relationships created, ever changing weather, ducking sickness, finding dirt gets everywhere, dodging people with water guns, obnoxious jokes...I don't the list ends. These blessings that you will never want to trade will happen this summer, and that's why I encourage and challenge you to put out all you have, spiritually, emotionally, physically, every week. Nay, every day!
Because you will not regret it. God has called you to serve these kids, and be an example to them, and like anything that we do for God, we should give all that we have to Him, so that His will be done and that we can see the amazing wonders and miracles God does.

Let me share with you my favorite Bible verse, Luke 9:23-25 - "...If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" This is what my hope is for you this summer - that you would lay yourself down at Christ's feet, and offer yourself to Him so that these kids could see the love of Christ, could see what a life and dedication to Him truly is. I pray that you would imitate and emulate the image of Christ this summer, and that you would let Christ speak to you, mold you, and change you into an example of someone who truly loves our Savior.

I encourage you and challenge you with these things, because I challenged myself in the same way the three summers I was able to be there, and I would be up there with you if that was in God's plan, but since I'm not I pray that you would. As we serve in different places and ways, I pray that you would lean on and pray for your brothers and sisters that you serve with, that you would daily find strength and power in the Bible, and that you would be a light to these kids that come up the mountain. Be blessed.

Nothing is more powerful

Blogger is telling me that this is my 100th post. WOOO! I've officially blogged WAY too much of my life away to anybody who wants to know. Will this stop me? Nah.

I feel like there's something that's holding me down. I'm not talking about me being young or not having a good enough job here, I mean I feel like spiritually I'm feeling out with my fingers where the edges of this *weight* is that's holding me down. I'd like to ask you to pray for me, as God takes me through this. There's a lot, a LOT of crazy changes going on right now, and just tonight I barely feel like I've taken a breath, and I know when I wake up tomorrow that it's gonna rush back...but God's got me. He always has, and I know all I have to do is hold on, trust Him, let go and let God. It's the best (ONLY) way to live in reality.

Something else that I've been looking forward to getting - the Matt Larson Band CD. Matt was my old worship leader, and the lead guitarist was my old youth pastor, and this music is incredibly good. I would recommend you guys to get this, if you don't then listen to his songs, they're worth your time. It's been encouraging me the last couple days.

p.s. - I'm turning 21 in...21 days...wow that's awesome timing...and I totally don't even feel 21. I feel 16 and 24 at the same time. Sweet.

Chapter 10

I like to chop up my life into chapters, it helps me keep track of the mileage. Currently I'm on Chapter 10, so far it consists of:

-Living back in Roseville again, and being content in that.

-Following my calling and my dream of being a worship pastor for a church here in Roseville.

-Having random jobs since I've been here, such as me selling CutCo knives.

-NOT going to SugarPine for the first time since I've graduated high school.

-Writing a bunch of songs and realizing that I need to make another CD by the end of the year...somehow.

-Letting go, and letting God control my money flow, my sanity, among other things.

-Realizing that everything I think I know, is wrong and is nothing compared to what Christ is and what His plan is for me.

That's the update. Keep me in your prayers. And to think that I thought 2008 was insane...

My Sinner's Prayer

in this humble act of worship

i come with heart bowed

my voice silent, my lips no sound

come and teach me in the silence of the roaring clouds

this silence i must break

the separation is too great

for a soul like mine to take

must i anxiously wait for the day i will see Your face?

pain of this human flesh wear on my body

but my soul will not touch the sin coaxed to me

i will hold on to Your letters of Love for me

You will protect me through all my weaknesses

i refuse to let go even for a moment

You have saved me from the curse of man

and offer me life

only if i take Your loving hand

what fool will say no to the Lover of all souls?

the hypocrites of this world can gloat

and quote their ideas of the world

until they choke on their words

they cannot force me to deny the One who creates life!

my anger is strong

but Your Love is the conqueror of all things

here i will hide in worship

until You have pulled me away from it all

and as i rise from my falls

You will be my armor to protect me from harm

to my everlasting God

the God of all the earth

i have pledged my allegiance to You only

and i will serve only You

until i rest with You after my time on earth has expired

be with me

as i give what little i own to You

in this time of worship

mend my ways through my hardships

keep me near as i tell others who need to hear

protect those close that i love

and whisper to those lost in the dark

in everything i do and say

give me wisdom to speak the right way

I wrote this when I was 13

I am ready for summer 2009

So basically the last three summers I've spent in the mountains, which doesn't really have the need for shorts, cause of mosquitos and the lack of real summer heat. So gradually since I had lost the need of shorts, they were consistently put away and forgotten...

It's been freaking HOT the last week, the last couple days it's been around 100 degrees. I've just now finished packing for a trip to Idaho where it's probably even hotter than here in SacTown, and I'm freaking cause all I've got is dark blue jeans and cargo pants.

I'm looking for some extra socks, and I pull out a droor that I haven't touched in awhile, and BAM! I have short pants. After much searching and worrying, I can now rejoice in the fact I will not overheat the summer of 2009.

Alright then, my moment of rejoicing is done with. I have to get up in 3 1/2 hours to drive across four states.

Need tech help...for free?

Since you're probably my friend and reading this...if you ever have a problem with anything techy, let me know. I've now found a fancy new way to help you, without being there :D

End of the circut

Currently my PC has fallen into a state of disrepair. Something like the video card or just as important is causing my entire PC to lock up and die every 30 minutes. The last three years of damage I've inflicted on this thing is now catching up to me, and I have no one to blame for myself....

All I have to say is that I better get another job soon, cause after this PC all I have left to work with is a laptop that is so robust it can't even run YouTube videos. But actually more important than that is that I realize that my world isn't just about technology....no I lied, besides God my life does revolve around technology, there's no fibbing about that.

But more importantly than that, please pray for Jessica. She's now moved up here in Sacramento, and it's really important that she find a job ASAP. Literally, a week. We're praying for an absolute miracle people, that's the only way this can work, so please be praying that she get something very soon.

I hate technology, almost as much as I hate this economy.

I do!

A reminder....

If you go here - www.myspace.com/theredheadmusic - you will see my songs and music stuff posted. Currently I have two new demos, one I just posted 10 minutes ago. To better help my music sound better, give a listen and tell me what you think :)

I wonder

The stereotypical 'friend' is a person that goes out and does things, takes pictures and makes memories, and knows how to have a good time. A stereotypical 'friend' is someone you've known for years and has been there through the thick and thin, making choices you know you'll probably regret when you're 35, and the guy you know will be your best man at your wedding.

I've found stereotypes something not to rely on, I've found stereotypes to be wrong too often. I've also found that as far as true friends go, I've had few and sparse between, three total that I can recall. One of those was a true close friend, the other was my attempt at one, and one turned out to be my half-brother . Over the course of the last 20 years of life, I've also realized that friendship is relative, to yourself and the other person. This is what I've divulged about myself...

I'm the kind of person that will share anything, anything about my life. I will write it all down in a book and hand it to you for free. You can be an absolute jerk to me and everyone else, and I'll be your friend. Why? Cause I'm a sucker like that and I've got too big of a heart. But, the thing that makes you my close friend, is if you can understand me. Truly, I don't understand myself half the time, but that's a different blog. But I find it interesting, that with me feeling free to open my entire life to people, why I haven't had closer friends in the past, and not in the emo sense.

I've realized that as much as I share my life, I avoid commitment to connections. I've wanted to paint a picture to people but not let them buy it. I've become this nomadic person, not because I'm scared of what commitment might bring, but because I see all this amazing variety in people, these amazing differences, and I just can't stay in one place, I want to be close to everybody!

For the longest time I saw this as bad. I thought you had to have a best friend since high school. And now I'm realizing like many other things, I don't have to. Everything comes in time, and if it doesn't come it's not meant to be. It's an odd thing, time is. You never know when it's gonna be right until you know. Anyway, this is my narcissistic speech on what my friendships have vaguely looked like. How bout yours eh, give some feedback.

Quiet now

I've become silent, now. My opinion over life is now been quieted, to make way for the state of learning I'm now in. Besides me not blogging about my life every week, this is a radical change. It's almost like I'm in school again, but I'm getting paid for it, and it's not as structured. And if this is school, I'll take this lifestyle over public education in a heartbeat.

Besides political vendettas and my complete opposition to the government and how it's turning socialist, I have no other blazing, passionate opinion that's been set on fire. I'm learing so many things from so many directions, and right now I'm not able to keep up with any of them. All are good, and I'm not killing myself or my schedule. I am overwhelmed, in the sense that these things are so new for me, either because I haven't experiened them yet, or I'm having to vastly relearn what I thought I knew, therefore causing me to mold to a heightened sense of humbleness.

I like this me. But I know that this me cannot stay forever. There are times when we need to be humble, times when we need to be loud, times when we need to be sad, times when we need to be confused and lost. We go through phases and breaking and forming of foundations, but we also need to realize that we cannot be everything at the same time. That's Christ, not us, and that's what we need to depend on, as our lives and selves spin in a chaotic dizzy.

I really feel like I've said too much now. Tell me something you've been learning, or anything. I'm very much the listener right now.